


In Another Life

by thegoldenkru



Category: Bellarke - Fandom, The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellarke, Bloodreina - Freeform, Clarke and Wells Friendship, Family Fluff, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Linctavia - Freeform, Marper - Freeform, Multi, Octavia Blake & Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes are Best Friends, Parents Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Parents Octavia Blake/Lincoln, Princess Mechanic friendship, Romantic Fluff, Season 5 Remake, Slow Burn, Team Cockroach, The 100 - Freeform, bellamy and clarke - Freeform, bellarke angst, murven - Freeform, octavia blake/jasper jordan friendship, the 100 season 6, wells and octavia friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-25 16:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16200956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegoldenkru/pseuds/thegoldenkru
Summary: In Another Life begins in season 4 of the 100. It spans throughout season four, five, and into the future lives of the original beloved characters. It maintains some scenes from the show, differing in some aspects, while focusing on the development and relationships of the main characters. It is bellarke focused but, also explores the storylines of other characters including: raven, murphy, octavia, harper, monty, jasper, lincoln, and wells (lincoln and wells didn't die). We see how not losing these two characters changes the outcomes of things we saw in the show. While keeping some aspects of the show we love (and sometimes hate), we added scenes that we felt we should've seen. There are flashbacks to the bunker, the ring, eden, the radio calls are addressed, there's a slow burn bellarke, and more. In Another Life is in canonverse and alters the show beginning in season four before continuing on to explore what lies ahead for the future of the beloved, original main characters.





	1. Where They Almost Were

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is TheGoldenKru's (@traitorwhoyoul1, @marvelbellarke, and @braveprincessxo on twitter) first fic. The first chapter basically just sets things up for what's to come, we hope you like it!

“Here we go again. Bellamy, if you can hear me, if you’re alive, it’s been 2,199 days since Praimfaya. I don’t know why I still do this every day. Maybe it’s my way of staying sane, not forgetting who I am – who I was. It’s been safe for you to come down for over a year now, why haven’t you? The bunker’s gone silent, too. We tried to get them out for awhile, but there was too much rubble. I haven’t made contact with them either. Anyway, I still have hope. Tell Raven to aim for the one spot of green, and you’ll find me. The rest of the planet from what I’ve seen basically sucks, so… Never mind. I see you” 

_ Flashback to six years ago- _

The whole team was gathered around the table in the little office in the back of Arkadia anxiously. It was time to decide the fate of the human race, again. If they didn’t make a decision soon, the human race would go extinct. The weight of the world resting on the shoulders of nine teenagers, and they faced it with courage like they always had to.

“Are you sure you want to trust Jaha’s bunker idea? No offense Wells.” Raven asked, looking around to everyone to see their reactions. Thelonious Jaha had been going on for days about this hidden bunker that was created so many years ago, for protection from the  _ first _ Praimfaya. He was determined to find this supposed bunker that would save the human race. But considering that most of the group had suffered at the hands of Jaha, trying to place trust in him now would prove to be very difficult. It was a chance that would cost them if it amounted to nothing, as most were afraid would be the case. But they couldn’t deny the spark in Thelonious’ eyes and the way he spoke of the bunker as if it were their only chance. Although each one of them hated to admit it, desperately wishing there were other options, they knew he was right. It was their only chance for people of all the clans to survive. 

“None taken… honestly after everything that has happened, I don’t even know if I believe my own father, either.” Wells responded. He wasn’t daddy’s little boy anymore, that was for sure. He had a mind of his own and as soon as his feet landed on Earth, he realized he was going to have to learn how to assert himself. At this point he knew better than to trust his father’s ramblings and looking at the people around him, he was glad he was sent down on that dropship. Things may have started out rough, but over the six months spent together, they had all learned to accept each other, to respect each other, and they had  _ definitely _ gotten closer. Six months ago, Wells would have never thought that John Murphy and Bellamy Blake would be two of his closest friends, he couldn’t even imagine having other friends - aside from Clarke, that is. But now, he, Murphy, Bellamy, Clarke, Octavia, Lincoln, Monty, Harper, and Raven had become quite the tight knit group, having had saved the world together… on multiple occasions. 

Jasper had been close with them too, but after Maya’s death he shut himself out from everyone, only occasionally joining the group. Being controlled by Alie didn’t help his mental state either Ever since the City of Light was shut down, he was forced to feel all of that pain again and he was much more distant. Monty felt his absence and missed his best friend who, a few months ago, would have been standing right next to him. He wondered what he was doing now and knew the endless days Jasper spent wasted, using alcohol to drown his demons and nightmares. Monty turned his attention back to the others, trying not to think about the pain Jasper was dealing with, the pain they were all feeling.

Murphy was rightfully angry. They were expecting him to put faith in the man who left him wounded and alone, the man who killed his crew mate right in front of him. Who sent him to Earth to die, all of them, as if they were worthless. “So what are we gonna do? Just believe the man who put us in this mess with the City of Light? The man who floated your mom.” - Murphy added, pointing to Bellamy and Octavia - “huh? The man who sent us all down here to die? We’re just gonna decide to believe hi-”

“Enough, Murphy” Bellamy interrupted. “We know we can’t just trust him. But we can’t ignore the fact that there might be a bunker out there, one that could save us all.”

“So we find it.” They all turned their heads to look to Clarke, as she spoke up, leading their decisions once again. It was always Clarke who was the one to have the final say and that was both a blessing for them, and a curse for her. She always saved her people, never gave up fighting, but because of that she was also always the one to make the hard choices. To murder or surrender. Kill innocents, or watch helplessly as those you love are ripped away from you.

But she was never alone. Standing right by her side, as he always did, was Bellamy Blake. They did this  _ together.  _ Always together.

“I agree with Clarke,” he murmured, ignoring Murphy’s snide comment of, “Wow, a shocker.” Looking at her, he knew he would follow her anywhere. This was no different. Bellamy noticed how Clarke always seemed to be right and it was both infuriating and comical.

“I’m in.” Octavia agreed, and with that it was decided. Bellamy, Clarke, and Wells would accompany Jaha in search for this bunker that could save them all. Meanwhile, Octavia, Lincoln, Monty, Harper, Raven, and Murphy would stay behind. Raven, Monty, Harper and Murphy would stay at Arkadia, trying to patch it up in hopes of making it secure enough to survive another Praimfaya. Lincoln and Octavia would go to Polis and work to solidify a plan to keep the peace among the grounders and Skaikru. What could go wrong?

_ The Next Day _

Raven and Monty were spending endless hours doing calculations on what was needed to make Arkadia a safe enough place to survive Praimfaya. Harper and Murphy were working around the camp, with the other survivors of Skaikru, trying to patch up Arkadia with the hopes of survival. Over in Polis, Lincoln and Octavia were meeting with Indra kom Trikru, Roan kom Azgeda, and the heads of the other ten clans. They were discussing what to do to maintain peace among all their people, while simultaneously managing to argue about who would get to survive. The constant fight for survival with people who never understood each other. Who never even tried. They didn’t trust one another but knew they had to try if they wanted to survive. It was the only choice.

Bellamy, Clarke, Wells, and Jaha were loading up the rover, off to search for this supposed bunker that Jaha truly believed was out there, just waiting for them. Wells and Thelonious seemed unable to look each other in the eyes after what happened with the City of Light. Wells was still angry; angry at his father for bringing upon them Alie and the horror she inflicted upon the world. He _ left _ him to find the City of Light, to find Alie, he committed horrible acts, and consciously. That sent a shiver through Wells’ spine. He couldn’t forget Murphy’s retelling of his father pushing an innocent into the water, to certain death, and leaving Murphy helpless and alone to reach his destination. It hurt to think of his father that way. It always had.

Wells saw his father approach him at the back of the Rover before he quickly jogged over to the intense scene he didn’t expect. Bellamy, Clarke, and Raven were deep in discussion and he felt as if he were intruding. Though he always helped save the world, he was never a leader like they were. Wells never saw himself the way he saw them; brave, intelligent,  _ unstoppable. _

He stood by the rover, with his arms crossed over his chest. “Ready?”

Clarke faked a smile at him as Bellamy just sighed at Raven. “We’ll talk about this later. The list can wait.” Clarke and Bellamy immediately went to the Rover, ready to face what was to come. They never wavered, and Wells noticed.

Bellamy was driving and Clarke was riding right alongside next to him. It was an unspoken rule that whenever one would drive, typically Bellamy, the other would sit shotgun. Jaha was sitting in the back, leaning forward, offering directions based on his map. Wells was seated tensely next to him, desperately hoping to be out of the rover soon.

Though she was trying to put on a brave face, Clarke needed there to be a bunker. She needed a glimpse of hope in the destruction that was taunting them at every second. But one look at Bellamy driving made her feel calmer. As if just the sight of him eased her worries and allowed her to breathe again. It had always seemed that he could bear that burden of leadership and struggle with her and in the back of her mind, as they drove off into the forest they all knew so well, she wondered why it had always been him who she trusted the most. It was Bellamy she needed and never wanted to let go of. 

She faced her gaze back on the trees, as Bellamy had suggested they do in case of an attack, and tried to fight the thought that she couldn’t bear to lose him, too. She shook her head, refocusing her thoughts, she couldn’t afford to be weak, not when the world would soon erupt into flames and life as they knew it would be over.

_ It was almost over. _

It was silent in the Rover as everyone was lost in their own minds. Bellamy drove steadily, letting his mind travel to his sister and hoping she would be okay. Octavia wasn’t that helpless girl under the floor anymore, she was a warrior who faced danger and death wherever she went. He was used to protecting her but now things were different and he knew she would be okay because she was fearless and strong, like they always had to be. But anything could happen on Earth. He found his gaze now turned to Clarke, as it always did in times of fear. She was the one who gave him hope, kept him breathing, and she was the one who he shared the deepest and darkest parts of himself with, the parts he wished would disappear. The parts of himself that made him feel like a monster, but she always brought him back, and made him feel whole again. His eyes widened as he shook his head at the surprise of where his mind had just led him, to her, back to Clarke. He focused on the path in front of him and tried to force his thoughts back to Octavia, or Skairipa, the name she was now known as. Skairipa and Wanheda, the two most important people in his life, given these tragic names because they did what they had to do in order to survive. The war, the loss, the fear, it changed them all. He desperately needed Thelonious to be right for once. He needed all of his unwavering hope to mean something, to lead them out of this.

They were almost there and Wells tried desperately not to laugh at how many times Bellamy and Clarke stared at each other, especially when the other one was looking away. There wasn’t much to do in that Rover, but it was entertaining to him that even after everything they went through together, Bellamy and Clarke still stared at the other in awe, clueless about their true feelings. Everyone else around them was aware. It was so obvious, and yet they both continued on as if there was no sexual tension constantly building between them in every moment they shared.

“There, there!” the sound of Jaha’s voice broke everyone from the thoughts that were consuming them, and Bellamy slammed on the brakes of the rover. Upon the immediate stop, Clarke looked down only to find that Bellamy had thrown his arm in front of her chest, as if it was his second nature to protect her. Her eyes lingered on the muscles flexing in his arm as it rested, pressed against her chest and -

“Is everyone okay?” his voice cut off her thoughts. Everyone nodded in agreement as Jaha proceeded to step out of the rover, following his map, and motioning the others to follow him. Wells immediately traipsed after his father, leaving Bellamy and Clarke alone in the front seats of the rover. Bellamy shook his head, his messy curls falling perfectly around his beaming, brown eyes. After clearing his head he realized where his arm was,  _ still was _ . He moved his arm back next to himself flustered and unaware of what to say.

“Ready to do this?” she broke the silence that was slowly growing louder between them, and it was enough. Enough to bring his thoughts right back to where they needed to be - saving their people. He nodded his head before jumping out of the rover, Clarke right behind him. The four continued further into the woods, following Jaha with his map spread out in front of him. Bellamy walked alongside him, looking around in them, constantly making sure they would be aware of any oncoming possible attacks, and slightly further behind them trailed Clarke and Wells.

“You sure about this?” Bellamy asked him.

“Sure that it’s better that we look, make sure we do everything we can to save our people?”

Bellamy couldn’t help but let out a laugh at this. Jaha trying to  _ save  _ people. After floating his mother, locking up his sister, sending them down to die, forcing people into the City of Light, now he wanted to take every precaution to ensure their safety?

“If you really don’t believe my intentions, why are you here?” he asked the boy, looking first at him and then back at the blonde trailing behind them, next to his son, and before allowing Bellamy a chance to answer him, he spoke again -

“Never mind, I know, it’s good you have each other for these things, these decisions. It’s a tough thing, being a leader, she’s lucky to have you; _you_ \- you keep her centered.” Hearing his words caused Bellamy to stop in his tracks, his mind racing over _she’s lucky to have_ _you; you keep her centered_. He couldn’t believe that in all of the chaos they’ve endured for the last six months it appeared to anyone as if somehow she was the lucky one for having _him_ , how it could appear that _he_ was the one keeping _Clarke_ centered, balanced, _together_.

“You got it backwards.” the words left his lips before he could even register them, but it didn’t matter now anyways. He continued to move forward, and catch back up with Jaha, after instinctively, without even giving it a second thought, looking back over his shoulder to make sure she wasn’t too far behind him.

Clarke walked steadily next to Wells, keeping her eyes peered for any signs of danger they might encounter. Wells could see the focus on every inch of her face. She was always so determined, even when they were kids. No matter how hard she tried to mask it, he could still tell how she was feeling, and when she was scared.

“Loosen up, Clarke.”

“Focus, Wells,” he listened to the words as they left her mouth while he traced her eyes back to him, he laughed at this, at  _ him _ being the sight of her concentration.

“Wells, seriously, focus.” she sighed, watching out for the others without even meaning to. It was second nature for her now; to be on alert, afraid for what was to come, protecting the lives of the ones she cared the most about.

“It’s okay if you’re worried about him, you know that’s normal for you guys right?” he asked her lifting his chin up in the motion for her to respond, but only confusion expressed itself across her narrowed eyes and furrowed brows.

“What are you talking about?” She shot back at him stopping dead in her tracks, reaching out to grab his arm and stopping him where he stood too.

He looked her face up and down, shaking his head in disbelief, she really was completely unaware of all of it. He pulled his arm away from her grip and continued walking.

“You guys make a good team, really balance each other out. You just...  just bring out the best in each other.” he said in an accusing tone.

“We do what we need to do to survive Wells. Now seriously, focus. I swear sometimes it’s like you” - she was cut off by running into the small of Bellamy’s back, and that’s when realized she was so distracted looking around for a possible attack that she didn’t even see what was right in front of her.

“Woah there princess.” he turned around, smirking at her.

Their eyes met and Clarke smirked back up at him, remembering all the times he had called her that. Although she would never tell a soul… she had really missed that.

“Right here. It should be right here!” The sound of Jaha’s voice, again, interrupted the moment they had all been captivated in. Their attention turned directly towards him as he was clearly panicking now, searching frantically around for this bunker.

Bellamy and Clarke tore their glance away from one another and ran to the spot he was pointing at. Wells trailed behind, silently laughing and feeling young again. Feeling his age again. If only for a second, he could feel young and free and forget that the fate of the human race was lying in the hands of him and his friends. It was unfortunate, really, that none of them ever had the chance to be normal teenagers. Never had the chance to just be the children they once were, especially once they hit the ground, they were immediately hit with so much responsibility. It seemed unfair that they had to do all the work, give themselves away to a life full of guilt and treachery, while others didn’t have to worry about anything. They could just live.  It hurt but they knew if they wanted to survive, they had to take matters into their own hands. It was how they survived but Wells had always wondered if that would ever change.

Bellamy interrupted his thoughts, “I think I found it.”

Bellamy tried to push the door open but to no avail. He instinctively looked to Clarke for an answer. Clarke bit her lip in thought, distracting Bellamy in the process, “Maybe we could use the rover? Tie some rope to the back handle and pull it open?”

Bellamy nodded “I’m on it.”

Wells, Clarke, and Jaha stepped out of the way as Bellamy hopped into the rover. It wasn’t an extremely difficult task, but it took a bit of effort. After a few tries of moving the car forward, the door snapped opened. They all gasped and Clarke waited for Bellamy to step up beside her before they headed in. As they stepped into the bunker, they were met with a pungent smell. Using a flashlight, they took a look at their surroundings. Disappointment was etched on their faces as hundreds of skeletons came into view.

“So much for a secure bunker.” Bellamy felt all the hope instantly leave him, and a feeling of sadness and anger washed over him, he was angry at  himself for having hope in Jaha, for this chance of survival of all people.

Jaha shook his head and felt a crushing defeat and regret fall on his shoulders, perhaps more than the others since he had been the one to believe so highly in this chance. He looked at his son and could instantly see the struggle and horror that played on Wells’ face. Wells looked at the hundreds of skeletons and thought of the people who died this horrible death, believing this was their second chance, their chance for safety. He couldn’t bear it, so he turned away needing a moment to recover and knew that this place would be nothing but just another thing to haunt him in his nightmares. 

“I’m sorry. I thought it was worth finding, but I was wrong. Son-” He reached for Wells, hoping to hug him and for forgiveness to be given to him by the one person he needed it from. But Wells shook him off and walked to Bellamy’s side, hoping to distract himself from picturing the skeletons as people who were once just as hopeful as they had been. “We need to get to Monty and Raven. We wasted another day when we should have been helping them with resources and finding a source for water.”

Clarke was disappointed and at the back of her mind she started to think of the dreaded list that fell to her alone, in which she would be the one to decide who lives and who will be left to die. Her lip quivered and her eyes, once dry, began to water. As always, she couldn’t let anyone see through the walls she put up to prevent even more pain, she wouldn’t. So she turned away needing to hide the tears that escaped her eyes and her shaky breathing she tried to control.

But Bellamy could always see through all that, he could see beyond the cold leader she pretended to be. He knew the internal battle Clarke was facing, knew she was hurt, knew by the second she breathed a little more heavily and looked away from the skeletons that stayed in the place that was supposed to be their safe haven. “Clarke, let’s get out of here.” He took her hand and went back to the rover with her, hoping that leaving this place would give her some comfort.

He looked at Clarke’s broken face as they drove back. He knew what she was thinking about; the list. He couldn’t keep letting her bear these things alone, he had to make her realize they could do these things together. He pulled the lever with her in Mount Weather, but she still felt like she had to bear it all, so much so that she left them, left  _ him _ . He couldn’t let that happen again, Now looking at her broken face, he was determined to be there with her in making that list. She shouldn’t have to do this one alone. She had him to help with these things, after all.

_ Later that Night _

Clarke sat at the desk in the office, writing out the names of the people who would get to survive praimfaya. Only room for 100 people, she had to think strategically, have people who could better them - doctors, engineers, potential mothers, so the human race could continue. She had to be completely logical, use her head, not her heart. But as she wrote down each name her hand continued to shake as if she could feel the people whose chance she was tearing away from them with each number. She didn’t want to be playing this role of “God,” she felt she didn’t deserve to, but it had to be done, and she had to bear it, so they wouldn’t have to. She followed what Wells had taught her, bearing pain for the people you care about. It’s what he did for her, in letting her blame him for the death of her father so she wouldn’t lose  _ both _ her parents. She knew he didn’t think of himself as a leader, but he inspired her, he taught her how to be the leader she was, how to bear it. She smiled, it slowly fading as she turned her eyes from the ceiling, back to the list.

Number 99. She knew they would need a leader and as the emotions behind making this list consumed her, her head fell back again in dread and this time, she turned her focus to a sleeping Bellamy on the couch. He kept telling her that he was here for her, and he was, he was making this list with her to help her decide. It was a lot, and she could see the exhaustion in his eyes. “Lay down, Bellamy, it’s okay.” And he did, after promising it would just be for a little bit, only to fall asleep moments later. She walked back to her bedroom to gather another pillow and a blanket, making sure he would be completely comfortable on this little couch across from her. A smile slowly crept across her face as she looked at him. He looked so peaceful sleeping there. “Number 99, Bellamy Blake.” It was never a question if Bellamy would be on the list. Bellamy deserved to survive. No matter  _ what _ Clarke would have to do, she would make sure of his survival.

There was only one spot left, and she was consumed with confliction. A small part of her wanted to write her own name, but she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t take a spot for survival over one of her people, she just couldn’t. Clarke looked at Bellamy and felt a wave of sadness surge over her as she tried to decide the last person who would get to survive Praimfaya, sealing the fate of the rest of her people, her friends. 

She let out a big sigh, dropping her head into her hands only to have her face lifted up by the soft, gentle touch of Bellamy’s hand. “If I’m on that list, you’re on that list.” She knew what he meant, she knew he would make sure that she would survive with him. She knew that he did whatever he could to save her. Clarke realized it all in that moment she spotted him trying to save her from Roan. When he attempted to cross an entire army of Azgeda warriors and faced death at the hand of Roan’s sword, but she saved him then too,  _ pleading _ for his life. That’s what they did… they saved each other. In every sense of the phrase.

“Bellamy I can’t, I can’t-” her voice cracked upon letting out these last two words, and tears ran down her face as she stared at the man she would have to leave behind. It was painful, but she had to remember him. Before she would lose him, she promised herself she wouldn’t forget his freckles, his dark brown eyes, his soft smile, or his curls that just wouldn’t stay in place. But it was unnecessary because she knew she would never be able to forget Bellamy Blake.

“Write it down. Write it down or I will.” Determination and concern was etched on his face as he needed her to see this wasn’t happening. There was no way she was going to die, Clarke deserved to live. She deserved it more than anyone and he would make sure she did. He just needed her to.

“Bellamy no, they have you, and I can’t-” her thoughts were interjected by the swift motion of Bellamy grabbing the pen from her hands and writing her name on the list.

  1. Bellamy Blake
  2. Clarke Griffin.



“We do what we need to do to survive, and we do it together. I won’t lose you.” His stare was so intense as if he was letting her know that he couldn’t do this without her. It was so intense she had to look back to the list. Only to let her gaze crawl back up to his, their eyes meeting each others, slightly broken and desperately searching for any signs of hope within the others. 

“Do you still have hope? That we’ll survive this, I mean.” She asked, continuing to look to him with pure desperation. She needed him to have hope, needed him to have it because she wasn’t sure if she could, not after everything they’ve endured.

“We still breathing?” he wore a small smile and placed his hand on her shoulder, comforting her through it. She leaned into his touch, wanting him to stay but knowing she couldn’t ask. The moment quickly changed and he moved his hand feeling as if it were time to go, though in the back of his mind he wished he could take her in arms and never let go, wished he could just sleep next to her and hear the slow sound of her breathing as they slept without a care for once. He knew if that were to happen he would be so peaceful having her next to him, feeling the warmth of her body pressed against his, but he didn’t know what that meant. It was a confusing feeling, and one he didn’t have the time to decipher.

She looked tired and he just hoped that she would be able to sleep after what she was forced to decide. She still looked so broken, so upset from what this day, and life gave her.

“Clarke… whatever happens, I promise you, you will get through it.  _ We _ will get through it. You’re the strongest person I know and we’ve both done things to survive no person should have to but… I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you were the one to be my side,” he paused before continuing, knowing he meant that with every inch of his body, “There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  _ We’re almost there. _ ” He took her hand and hoped she could hear his words and how true they were to him.

She stared at him wide-eyed and was taken aback from the words she kept repeating in her head.  _ I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you were the one to be by my side.  _ She looked at him as if he were her entire world, and felt an overwhelming sense of love and trust she had never had felt for anyone else. She smiled and looked down, hoping he couldn’t sense that she couldn’t look into his eyes just yet.

He repeated the words to make sure she heard them clearly. “ _ We’re almost there _ . Get some sleep.”

He turned to go, but Clarke grabbed his hand. They were both surprised at the touch, but happy at the feeling of their skin against the others the same time. “Bellamy, just in case you didn’t know… I’m so grateful that you were the one to be my side too. You’re my best friend.”

His smile made her nervous but she smiled back and felt a blush on her cheeks. After everything they went through, it meant everything to Bellamy that she still saw him in the same way he saw her. That would never change.

“I am Clarke Griffin’s best friend. If you had told me that a few months ago, I would have laughed in your face.”

She let out a small laugh, and crossed her arms in front of her chest as Bellamy watched her with awe. He hardly ever got to see her happy and the sight of her laughing was one he knew he would never forget. She is so beautiful, he thought. Everything about her made him nervous. The way she spoke, moved, looked at him.

She deserves to laugh and be happy like this all the time. She deserves to live a life where she isn’t remembered as the commander of death when really all along she was the one who helped him to truly live. She saved so many lives and it always seemed as if no one appreciated that, only remembering those she couldn’t save.

“Shut up, Blake.” she laughed looking away from his glance. It was nice to have this moment with him when it was usually so different. There was always something they had to figure out together, but this was what she needed. She watched him chuckle and his bright smile take over his face, and she had hope there would come a day when she would be able make him smile like this all the time. There had to be. After all, they were still breathing.

“Clarke… you’re my best friend too. Goodnight, Griffin.” he said.

“Goodnight.”

He turned to go and as he left the room, Clarke immediately missed him. He was her best friend and more. But she had to remember everything that was left to be done, and making sure no one would hear about the list and that they might be the ones who wouldn’t get to live another day. That all the work they have been spending rebuilding Arkadia, might just be for them to get locked out while others survive.

As Bellamy left the room, he felt the smile he had with Clarke stay on his face and he replayed that moment in his head like the lovesick man he wished he had the chance to be. He felt so giddy and even though it was a small moment in all the chaos, he promised himself he wouldn’t forget it. In that moment he knew, he could never lose Clarke Griffin, he never wanted to even think he could. She was someone he never stopped thinking about, always tried to protect, and who he needed. She understood and cared about him more than anyone else ever had.

He promised himself that in a few weeks, there would be more moments like this when they didn’t have to fight Praimfaya or _whatever else_ stood in their way. They were so close.

  
  



	2. Where She Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a flash forward from where chapter one left off; exploring how Bellamy reacts to not having Clarke with him on the ring.

_They were almost there._

_Flash Forward Six Years: On the Ark_

Bellamy stared out the window for the millionth time. Deep down he knew nothing would appear, he knew the Earth’s surface was ruined, yet he still hoped to see some spot of green. It had been two weeks since he left Clarke, the woman he know realized he _loved,_ on Earth to die. He had locked himself in his room, only occasionally coming out when he needed to be their leader, when he needed to use his head, when he needed for them to survive so that leaving her behind wouldn’t be for nothing. He shut himself out from everyone, every chance he got, and barely ever spoke a word. It killed his friends to see him like this but they knew they couldn’t do much. Bellamy couldn’t even sleep, he would wake up in the middle of every night, heart racing, eyes wet with tears, and sweat dripping down his forehead in panic when the nightmares of her surfaced. In some of them, he was there in that lab during her last moments and she called his name begging him not to leave her. In others, she was still alive and everything was how it should be but those were the ones that left him even more broken knowing the truth: the princess, his princess, was dead. The one he always loved and who he knew he belonged with in the end was gone and he had to live without her. How was he supposed to do that?

If it weren’t for Harper, who took on the role of a mother-like figure, he probably would’ve starved himself. Bellamy’s mind was filled with intrusive images of Clarke burning to death. That thought painted a vulgar image, the details surrounding it causing him to wake up shuddering and sweating. The dreams haunted him not only during the night, but also during the day. At times, he would lose himself completely as he kept feeling and reliving that moment of leaving Clarke behind to die again and again. He would completely lose awareness of his surroundings and clench his fists so tight that he dug marks into his palms. He couldn’t do this without her but _she had died for him to live_. He would never, never let her die in vain. But apart of himself would always belong where he left his heart; with her.

Today was no different. It was late afternoon which he only knew because of the schedule they had developed, he had developed for them. Using his head, like she had told to him to, he did that, for her, used his head to create a plan for them. Now that he had given them this plan of how they were going to survive their days up here, he stayed in his room, alone. Occasionally he would be interrupted by Harper or Monty bringing him algae and telling him that things would get better. They would rub his shoulder and speak in a small whispering voices, afraid of his fragile state and his inability to even speak. Nothing felt real, it all felt as if he were stuck in this nightmare that was just repeating on an endless loop while he waited for her to come back. He wasn’t aware of what was happening and he wondered when he would be able to stop replaying the moments that led to him _falling in love_ with Clarke Griffin. His mind wandered back to when they first met, in that haunting and terrifying drop ship where no one expected to even get out alive, to even feel the Earth beneath their feet.

_He had just killed, or thought he killed, the chancellor and he was looking for Octavia everywhere, hoping she was okay and repeating the words he told her to when she was scared. He was scared now. The lights shut off, a horrible feeling was in his stomach as people screamed and he saw them getting out of their seats. Idiots, he remembered thinking._

_But finally everything stopped and things were still. The lights flashed back on and he went to the front by the door, waiting for his sister. He searched the empty faces surrounding him, until finally he saw her. “Bell?” He grinned “O,” and hugged her, over the moon that she was okay. He would_ always _make sure she was okay. And then a blonde with an indignant expression approached him and he felt his breath catch. It was like already, he knew that she was special, which he knew sounded strange but it was true. He forced his thoughts back to stepping on Earth and hopefully surviving another day._

_“Stop! The air could be toxic!” she screeched, scared and hopeless, wondering why everyone was so eager to die. He looked at her and fought off a smile. Did she not understand that if it were true, they wouldn’t survive? They might as well die now and not prolong it any further if that be the case._

_“If the air is toxic, we’re all dead anyway.” he managed to let out, looking back at his sister eagerly waiting for her to be the first one to step onto Earth. She deserved it. He could tell the blonde knew he was right, as she just stood there, waiting and watching for the door to be opened._

_Bellamy felt the fresh air and lost himself in how amazing it felt. He smiled, truly happy for the first time in ages, watching his sister look at the beauty of this new planet and smile. She was finally free. “WE’RE BACK BITCHES!” she screamed, hands in the air and a smile etched onto her face. He laughed and ran to her, as everyone else joyfully celebrated not dying. No one saw, but Bellamy was curious to see how the blonde girl was responding. She seemed so serious and uptight but he wondered what the sight of the Earth after being trapped in space her whole life would make her feel. Surprisingly, he saw her smile. Saw her look at the trees, the sky, everyone running like the teenagers they were never free to be. She looked so young and happy and he never told anyone, but he was already curious about her. Already wanted to know more about this girl and how her life here would be. What did she do to end up with this lot, He wondered. He saw the way her eyes lit up but eagerly found her map, and he laughed to himself as he was finding Octavia again._

_He was already falling for her._

Bellamy managed to smile at that memory, one he would always keep close to his heart. He felt as if he knew her when they first met, and he knew it didn’t make sense, but he always knew she was special. And he was right. But the smile slowly faded to a frown as he realized where he was now: trapped on the ring, just as he was before he met her, as if none of it even happened. All the evidence of what Clarke and Bellamy had was now nonexistent, existing only in his memories and his heart. But they would never leave him.

He rolled over, trying to sleep again but knowing he couldn’t, when something about that memory hit him: Clarke was here too! Clarke had a cell just like the other delinquents. She was branded a criminal for trying to pass on her father’s message, for trying to save her people from that very first moment.

Bellamy immediately scrambled out of bed, pushed his hair out of his eyes, and wiped the tears from his cheeks as he left his room. He didn’t know where it was, but he had to find it and so he walked down the hallway nearest his room. He began to run, suddenly desperate to find a piece of her here, where he was trapped in for the next five years. Unfortunately, his next turn presented the others into his view: Raven, Murphy, Monty, and Harper were seated trying different forms of the algae no one could choke down.

He sighed as the others immediately wore worried expressions. Bellamy had hardly left his room and they were at a loss for words looking at the mess of his face and his shaking hands. Murphy got up and walked towards him as Bellamy was breathlessly looking in all directions.

“Bellamy, are you okay? What are you-” he was cut off by Bellamy’s loud sobs escaping his mouth. He wore a pained expression and his eyes looked as broken as he was. Harper and Monty stared at each other, feeling Bellamy’s pain of missing someone. They loved Clarke too. Raven had broken down over her death, but Murphy had just distanced himself from everyone, almost as much as Bellamy had.

Bellamy finally spoke, unable to take the silence any longer. “I… I need to find Clarke’s cell but I don’t know where they are, I don’t know where to find it. I just need to see it. Can...can someone just tell me where to go?”

Raven looked down, as a tear dropped down her cheek. “Bellamy, it won’t do any good to-” again, Bellamy cut her off, this time angry and shouting, “I don’t care, Raven! I don’t care if it’s not good for me. If it’s not going to help me get over her, I need to see it, to feel her. And If you guys refuse to help me, I’ll just run around this whole fucking ring until I find it myself.”

Murphy looked at him and could almost feel the pain Bellamy was feeling. He knew what it was like to lose someone who you loved, he knew grief and suffering better than anyone. Bellamy was not going to let this go. “I know where you can find it. There’s a room not far from the cells where they had all of our pictures, information, and cell numbers on. I saw it once. I’ll lead you there and then let you find hers alone. Okay?” he asked, hoping Bellamy would calm down.

He looked at Murphy hoping his gratitude was clear. He really needed this. “Okay.”

The room was still operational and had all of the delinquents pictures and personal information plastered on a screen against the wall. He saw Octavias face, Murphy’s, Wells’, Miller’s, and more of his lost friends before he saw hers. But then it was all he could see. The image of her from all those months ago, took up all of the space his eyes allowed him and it left him completely brokenhearted. She looked younger, as if all the pain and suffering had aged her, but it was still Clarke. He missed seeing the bright blue eyes he used to gaze into, her blonde, wavy hair he held when they hugged, the freckle above her lips. The lips he wished he had kissed when he had the chance. The lips he only got to feel against skin, in those few moments. When she kissed his cheek before leaving him, when he had hugged her so tight that her head fell into the curve of his body, near his collarbone. He could feel them on him, and now he could see them again. It was her, it was Clarke, his Clarke, who was gone. But there was a time she was alive and maybe, just maybe he could find something of hers to hold on to.

He read the number and ran, glancing at each number, until he finally found it. This was Clarke’s cell. Bellamy’s throat tightened and he took deep breaths, praying it wouldn’t be an old, grey cell like all the rest. She wasn’t like all the rest, after all. He faced the door and put his hand on the doorknob, before he slowly turned it. He closed his eyes as he opened it and his heart was beating faster, faster by the second. He wasn’t ready, he couldn’t do this, but then he opened his eyes.

He dropped to his knees, without even realizing that his body had just collapsed beneath him. He looked around the room, as his vision blurred with water filling his eyes, taking it all in. “Clarke,” he whispered to himself, as his hand traced her sketch, outlining the crescent moon she had drawn, and the clouds. He could feel her, in this room, surrounded by all of her artwork, all of her deepest thoughts, he could feel her. He knew what this room was, what it did, being trapped in here all alone, he learned from stories Octavia had told him. He knew the kinds of thoughts that circulated your mind when you were trapped in isolation, he felt his chest begin to heave harder as he thought of all the things that could have gone through her mind. These sketches, they were all a part of her deepest thoughts, hopes, dreams, wishes, fears. Now he was here, in the middle of her cell, falling apart as he looked around at her art that filled every inch of this place. God, she always talented, he thought, so talented, and beautiful, and these sketches just further proved that.

He looked up at the flowers, the mushrooms, the mountains, all the things she had drawn when thinking about the beauty that lied on Earth, waiting for people to one day see again. He wished that he could turn back time, turn back and just let her experience all of the sights of Earth for the first time again, wished he could have been better from that very first moment, for her. Wished he could have just been the leader they all needed so she could revel in every moment, in every beautiful thing Earth had to offer, wish he could go back and revel in everything she was again. He just wanted things to be different, with every aching bone in his body he wanted things to be different. He wanted to be back there, discovering the flowers, berries, mushrooms, butterflies, the glowing forest, he wanted to be able to watch the blue in her eyes brighten as she saw them all, for the first time. He wanted to be able to watch as her lips turned to a smile full of wonderment as she finally got to see all the things she had spent so much time sketching, learning they were real. God, he just wanted to be with her again. He wanted them to be back on Earth, together, and not leading everyone and saving their people, he just wanted a chance to live, _really live_ , with _her_.

Something changed in him as he saw this cell. She was once full of hope, he saw. She had once thought that seeing Earth would be met with happiness instead of the hell that was brought upon her. She was hoping to fall upon the gracious ground of Earth and be met with peace and happiness, instead she was met with nothing but war, and fighting, and pain, suffering, loss, _death_ . He realized his body was shaking, and still on his knees, he took his head in his hands as he cried. His vision grew blurry with tears and he heard the sobs escape his mouth before he He thought back to the day Clarke made the list and decided who would live and who wouldn’t. He wrote her name down, refusing to believe she would ever be gone. He had sworn to himself that he would make sure she survived, but he let her down. He left her behind. He _left her_. But that day was full of both sadness and an unbelievable happiness when he thought of what their lives would be together. They were best friends, their souls attracted to one another like magnets, she was someone he trusted and needed. Someone he let himself love and think about in every moment that he lived.

He had trouble breathing. He shuddered and fell, refusing to leave this place she lived in before they met.

He thought of what she would say if she saw him like this: _Bellamy think with your head. I’m gone, okay, and I’m not coming back. You have to move on. I never wanted you to live this way. You didn’t deserve this, Bellamy. I’m sorry. I’ll always be with you. The head and the heart, together._

Everything hurt and in that moment he knew he had to try and move on. He had to become the man she always wanted him to be, the man he wanted to be. But he wouldn’t forget this place nor would he let it go forgotten. She would never be forgotten. Here is the place he would go to remember her, to think of her, to show his heart as he let his head replace it. He would come here every day, he promised himself. He knew as the years went by, things would get easier and there was a possibility he would be happy again. But he couldn’t let that happiness allow him to forget Clarke, his true soulmate. He never would.

Silence filled the room and his heavy breathing turned slow as he fell asleep. His body resting there, in the middle of her cell, his hand still touching the sketch of the crescent moon and trees below it, beneath all the beauty and wonder she had, he stayed. But before he fell completely asleep he whispered the one sentence he had uttered to her before things fell apart and he was left broken, without his other half; _We were almost there._

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you guys like it so far! Chapter three coming soon :)

**Author's Note:**

> That's the end of our first chapter! The second chapter will also be posted today, and from now on we will try to post at least once a week, we have a lot of ideas for this story. Chapter two will be a fun ride!


End file.
